The Struggle...

"I do take medication, I do."
"What sort of medication?"
She smiled. "crazy pills, baby."

One is for the beast, one is for the dread and one is for the things that should stay in my head. One in the morning and one at night...who am I kidding, take all three at a time.

I wanted her gone, I did. Part of me was tired of cleaning up the mess and making excuses. Another part of me was wondering what it was like to be normal. It was so long ago when my aunt told me that I was a normal little girl. I think she felt sorry for me.

So, I went back to the regimen. I thought, as long as I take my meds and stay away from large crowds, I would be able to keep the crazy at bay.

I do. I do well, most of the time. That is, most of the timeeeeeeee, except...

There's this one thing, it's an animal, really. It's human and part animal, I think. It's a bird and it's black. It's a deep part of me that manifested as a child. As a child, however, it was only a shadow which portrayed dead things. As a child, it coaxed me into corners. It held me while the transformation ensued.

Now, the black bird is different. It's a weakness of mine and it's love. It draws me away from the light. It's not bad, per say, it's just different. I think it's freedom, I think it's everything and nothing at all.

So, this is what I did. I built a box inside. It's the black bird's part. A peice that will forever be the raven's lot.

When my heart flutters, the raven is reminding me that he never left.

When it's human again, I find it.

One is for the beast, one is for the dread and one is for the things that should stay in my head.

I have to remember this in order to keep me grounded and the black bird in flight.

"I do want to break free, I do. You have no idea how hard it is to keep my wings pinned down, do you?"

"Maybe as hard as it is for me..."

"You betcha."