Raven

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Real Ghosts

So let's play pretend that we are ghosts who have searched for ways to find each other. We knew, deep down of one another's existence, but yet, we were questioning our sanity. Each and every filament that passed outside our windows, we took for strange smoke anomalies in the air. You did not believe, truly believe in my existence, any more than I believed in yours. This is why we play pretend and this is why we always meet in a world somewhere far removed from our own, yet oddly similar.

If I were a ghost, how did I die? I dreamed I died in a car accident at a crossroads somewhere close to where I sit now. I guess that this place was only miles from here, surrounded by small brick homes  with trampolines in the backyard. There was a trailer on one corner with an old pick-up truck parked on a gravel driveway. There, I came speeding by and never paid much attention to the stop sign. The other guy hit me, jack-knifed and spinning round in circles. There, my engine caught aflame and I was  burned before I could kick open the broken door. And it  hurt, but my pain faded as my spirit wafted up into the air. There, floating gently above, I thought of you.

Simultaneously, you fell to your knees in a strange and sudden bout of pain. Your attempts to call for help could not be heard because you were far from home. There in the midst of the forest by the lake, you grasped the trunk of the closest tree and screamed for help. But you were alone, because you chose to be alone and no one could hear you.. Your strong will to find yourself was wrapped within your desire to become one with nature. As your breath grew rapid and the vessels in your head burst, no one could hear those sounds, those dying sounds that escaped as you drifted up above. Could it be that you looked down and saw yourself lying oddly against the pine and the edge of the Mississippi mud. You noticed how strange you looked and your desire to adjust yourself was be unbearable. But then you thought of me, and turned toward the treeline.

And it was done, you see. As we dreamt it would be, we passed from this life to the next. Things looked different and yet the same. No, they cannot hear us and no we have no solid form. Every now and then for giggles, we pretend we have bodies that wrap round each other and pull each other close. But for the most part, we are vapor. We are dead and yet, we still cannot seem to hold onto something that was just a dream. No matter how many times our transparency tries to pull together, we find that we are still dreaming.

The path is there, untouched, the hands of the clock have not moved and yet, we are lost to each other.

My reality

I wished they knew how it felt to be invisible.

" I love the way your stubble slightly grazes my skin, it makes me feel funny".

He bit the corner of his full lips and smiled. Suddenly, his blue eyes grew bluer and I knew he was about to move in for another kiss. This time he kissed me harder than before.

"want me to do it again?" 

He thrust his cheek out to threaten a prickly stubble attack, and I gasped. He chuckled then and the smile faded. A serious expression replaced his earlier mischievous demeanor. He spoke clearly and with authority.

"You have to stop, Dahlia. This isn't healthy, you know."

He began to fade then and I could feel the heavy stones within my heart grow even heavier. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to let go of his rough hands, which were now slipping through my fingers.

"Don't go, not now...please."

I reached out and managed to grasp his elbow which had not yet faded into nothing. It was the last thing I touched from before. His ghostly face held softness then and his eyes pierced the firmament between my reality and his own. I knew what his last words would be even as his eyes remained fixed with mine.

"It's midnight Cinderella"

And it was. In fact, it had been midnight for a very long time. But a part of me would never go home.

Evanescence - Lithium

Evanescence - Breathe No More

"October" - Evanescence

Just to Keep you Real

"I am so proud of you".

Daphne smiled at him because she loved him, but he was not there at all. She imagined his face so close to hers, his eyes dancing with her darkness and his short hand cupping her fingers. She sometimes really lost it when she saw him hurting and she couldn't go to him. Hell, she couldn't even talk to him. It was by the rules that she had set for herself.

"I am proud of you." Daphne whispered in her room.

 She whispered to something, a dust bunny or a cobweb; but Daphne was telling the wrong objects, while the object of her affection was far away from her. She leaned against the wall feeling the coldness through the wood paneling. What was she going to do now?

"If I could talk to you again, would I tell you?" she asked herself.

Her words were as silly as her tugging and twining fingers. She couldn't keep still, she keep pulling strands of hair away from her head and rolling them around her fingers. She was so nervous, she was so frustrated that she just couldn't sit any longer.

"I have to go..I have to get out of here now!"

The door was broken. The dog had been caught chewing on the bottom left corner of the wood. She kicked him but it was too late. Something that he did made the door stick every time she tried to open it. She would have to pull really hard and jerk the knob. She was doing this now.

"Blasted door! Does everything have to be an act of congress?"

"Yes, it does". a voice spoke from behind her.

Daphne turned because she was instantly thrust into fear. She saw nothing, and this was what she expected to see. She was hearing him here and there, randomly invading her space. Even though it startled her, she welcomed his beautiful intrusion.

"I know that you are not really here, but I wish you were. I wish that you would appear and scare the bejesus out of me. It would just be worth it.

Daphne stood for a moment and then turned to walk out the door.

"Actually", she said "I don't really want you here because you hurt me so much".

Daphne waited a moment at the doorway. She scanned the apartment with her eyes. Her sadness was creeping out of her eyes and it radiated on her face. Every time she thought about how he abandoned her, she couldn't stop the ugly feelings. It was a mixture of intense and unconditional love and a hatred.  She had loved so hard that when abandoned, she hated him.

"How could you have done that to me? Now you know that Karma is a bitch, huh?"

Daphne was cruel. Her hurt was a knife that had festered with sepsis and mold. But Daphne didn't really want to wish him any ill will. Now she wanted to kiss him again. The emotions twisted and turned and catapulted down like a descending roller coaster. Then it was up again, and she was in love on a Friday. However far away, she would always love him.

Now she had her iPod in her hand. Absently, she had picked the device up and was flipping through songs. The Cure was there, with that tragic love song.

" I always guess them right."

Daphne put the ear buds in her ears and went out to tend to her garden. As she dug holes into the earth, she fantasized about trying to bury it again.

Daphne knew that it would never work, it never did. He would always be a part of her, taunting her mind with a very painful love that she never expected.